Schiavi Has Root Canal

Team Mossette Player/Coach Brian Schiavi has spent the summer of '10 in agony after a series of unsuccessful root canals have failed to take hold.

The situation has become so bad that the grass growing at his residence on College Terrace in the DeVeaux section of Niagara Falls remains untidy and haphazardly cut.

While BP has finally figured out how to cap that oil well in the Gulf, area dentists remain puzzled on how to remove Schivai's old crown and post. Podiatrist Dr. Mike Merletti has been called into consult.

The 8th Annual Dick Nolan Classic has been scheduled for Sunday December 27th at 7:45pm at Niagara University's Dwyer Arena. Originally scheduled for December 26th, the game was move to Sunday to accommodate, Matt Schiavi who normally devotes the day after Christmas to taking down the tree and lights at his Lewiston abode.

"It's a complete undertaking," Schiavi noted. "And I can't be distracted from the orderly withdrawal of my household decorations with something like the Dick Nolan Classic. I mean, I love the guy, but taking the tree down is serious business."

The later start to the game means that each period will be extended to 20 minutes, regulation NHL style. After an exhaustive statistical analysis by Alec San Lorenzo, it was concluded that Guido Virtuoso would have a greater chance for breakaways while floating on the far blue line, waiting for Vic Talarico to send him away, if the length of the periods were extended and fatigue allowed to set in earlier on the opposing struggling defensemen.

Full contact will also be permitted below each goal line. It was generally acknowledged that this change had to be implemented to give James Spanbauer the opportunity to come to a complete stop, rather than knocking the goal off its posts, every time he tried to crash the zone.

Once again it will be Team Mossett versus Team Newhouse in a highly charged affair. Team Newhouse captain Dave San Lorenzo dealt Denny Gruarin to Team Mossett in exchange for Dr. Mike Merletti in the off season, but that trade is still under review by league offices and Dr. Merletti's wife.

Rusty DiFranco and Rob Thurman will man the nets, and discounts on insurance and drumming lessons will be offered by both netminders following the game.

Will Dan "Bear" Nolan return to his grisled, vet form? Will Dan Kaifis let a low-screamer from the top of the face-off circle? Will Scott Dunn ever stop hacking the opponent? These and more questions will be answered at the 8th Annual Dick Nolan Classic -the official Bishop Duffy/Niagara Catholic Hockey Reunion Game.

Nolan, Kaifis To Appear on Deadliest Catch

Producers of the hit cable T.V. show have cast Rich Nolan and Dan Kaifis to appear as Russian pirates on next season's edition of Deadliest Catch. The duo was spotted by producers on a location scouting trip to Niagara Falls when they were running the Gorge stairs and flipping tires in the parking lot of Judi's Lounge.

As a screen test, producers shot footage of Nolan and Kaifis in wetsuits storming the Maid of Mist while it was docked up for the evening. Plans call for Nolan to wear a patch over his right eye and trademark Dick Nolan bandanna. Producers have also offered Kaifis the lead in the yet unmade: Life and Times of Butch Goring.

Stay tuned.
 

2009 DNC Photo Gallery

The "Dick Nolan Classic" is not just a hockey game.  It's a Family Skate!  When the final whistle blows, the kids take over the ice and that's when the real fun starts. 

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              The Merlettis