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Class of '81 Still Insists: "We're Number 1"

Despite solid
evidence to the contrary, the NC Class of '81
continues to insist that it is Number 1. A quick
examination of graduation rates, jail records
and credit scores reveals that the Class of 81
ranks near the bottom in almost every category.
For a brief moment, back in '81, they actually
we're Number 1 according to Class historian
Richard Moscati. "Then things started to fall
apart after 9/11 and we really couldn't make fun
of Dougie "Abu" Jowdy anymore. It kinda sucked
the life right out of everything."
Researchers attribute the Class of '81 delusion
to the sudden and unforeseen passing of Led
Zeppelin drummer John 'Bonzo' Bonham, whose
accidental death caused the cancellation of the
group's appearance at War Memorial Auditorium in
1980 in support of the just released In
Through the Out Door tour.
Many members of
the Class of '81 had purchased tickets to the
concert, and researchers believe the sudden
cancellation induced a collective
post-traumatic-stress disorder-type reaction,
prompting the continued claim to be Number 1.
That is what
the Dick Nolan Classic is all about.
When Victoria
Spanbauer belts out the opening to "O, Canada",
I feel privileged to have known her father, a
good man and a great practical joker in his
heyday. When I see the faces of all the kids who
come out to skate after the game, I know that
there are glory days only in front of us, not
behind, as long as we all stay healthy and can
see each other the next year.
And as for the
debate about who was the greatest hockey player
in school history, I'll stake my claim on B.
Gruarin. Now there was a hockey player.
VJ McConeghy |